Here it is 3:30 AM and I can’t sleep.

I woke up and the first thing on my mind is Discord.

But it’s not Discord, it’s the people, the community of people, behind screens who are using a communication application to play with one another, that’s what is really on mind: the people.

I am a part of a Discord community and on some days I feel connected to it.  But I just cannot help but feel a nagging, dissatisfaction.

I don’t know why I feel dissatisfied. Maybe I long for real connection, or maybe it’s just that I want more attention and praise for my fiction, or maybe it’s because I have abandonment issues. Whatever the reason, I am not satisfied.

My grown daughter and her partner came over last night for dinner and I described some of my experience with “friendshiping” on Discord. My son-in-law seemed to understand, from personal experience, exactly what I was talking about when I pointed out that relationships on Discord come and go fast and that I already miss people I just met.

I wish I understood more about what I am experiencing, perhaps advanced knowledge of all the implications and nuance of “digitalized community” would help me feel more connected, safe, and in control.

Maybe– but I just do not know.

Nevertheless, I continue to assume that what I am feeling is not completely unique to only myself.  Instead, I assume that what I am feeling is in some ways what we all feel.

-Zod the Magnificent